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Please do not wait for all to fall into some preordered comfortable arrangement, some sweet package making it easy to be present, as this is not the path to know true presence.

True presence, as an act of being with, is a gift to the other person. Do not underestimate the impact of this life-sustaining sharing of authentic energy. In the self-inflicted stress of distraction we cheat ourselves out of the wonderful blessing in an unexpected moment. In an interview I watched, I heard Drew Barrymore say, “Expectation is the mother of deformity.”

How tragically precise we can be at creating well-intended, misguided expectations that ultimately limit us in actually holding what might really be possible.

I am reminded of what so often bothered me through the years about “retreats” focused on some hot method to supposedly help us create some magical vision that all would readily understand and implement accordingly back in the workplace. We would compose some cryptic statement incapable of generating even one spark while expecting a raging inferno of results in the troops.

Do not, please, translate any such corporate exercise into your individual, purposeful presence.

Purpose is not out there someday when−not for you! Purpose is Now, in this moment with you, in your true presence.

Know thyself in a flowing constancy−and we will know encouraging power in your presence.

Judy (my Coach) and I were talking about upcoming appointments for each of us; opportunities for us to further awareness toward the full value of Coaching. Also, we’ve been collaborating to become even better at the listening that is so key to this worthy work we do.

We seem to agree on one main purpose and value in a coaching relationship:

Helping an individual get our of her/his own way.

I know this; Judy has certainly helped me step out of my own way−thus allowing all to flow in my behalf and for the benefit of those I lead, influence, and serve.

So … when we clear the way, what is it that flows?

I contend that what flows forth, and through all, is one’s Voice.

What is that one thing you hold so close, that if it is not present (and flowing) in each interaction, then you know things will not be as they ought?

Your answer … has identified your Voice.

Identifying, knowing, and freeing your voice is crucial to the process of Knowing Thyself.

Until you have a baseline of knowing, you will continue to detrimentally step in your own way.

Your voice identified−succinct as it may be as you intuitively answered the question above−clearly describes your foundation for service in this world. Voice speaks your story and encourages your role in the larger story.

Have you been pushed into the ground of who you really are?

Until you experience such compression you will not be informed by Trueness.

“Be informed” … my coach often asks me a question at very particular points: “How does that inform the future?” With the first few times of being asked, I thought she was only trying to get me to see a certain present action in terms of future impact; you know, visioning and such.

Judy, my coach, has been instrumental in how I now see my own Trueness−in a flowing, growing presence. Holding tight to such self-possession, I realized her deeper intent with her question. She was patiently working to get me to see what others do in this work I have been blessed to do; how their deeper self-possession, with which I assisted, led them in their impact and to a natural cycle−this informed (validated) my Trueness.

This is the powerful cycle of A New Confidence.

Personal purpose is firmly held in Trueness. Becoming fully aware (informed) funds A New Confidence. You are the message!

Inform the future in the presence of your own message.

Your unique Desire & Intent for those you lead, influence, and serve is your Living Methodology as a human being.

This Desire & Intent is what makes you a leader in this 21st Century.

This swirling together of desire and intent forces your presence in the middle; a place of natural tension from which you lead in the balance of Trueness (who you really are).

My coach said something powerful after she pointed out, making me super-conscious of, how I had built my life around my natural strengths−a Living Methodology. She said, “There is no veil between this methodology for you and this methodology for your clients. My methodology of Gathering, Giving, Growing is my story: a living unfoldment.

My work and life are rich because of this.

I desire this for you.

The Living Methodology for you must become your guidance for executing on the most important issue for you, those you lead, and all that is collectively represented.

My studies over the past few years have pushed me into the ground of who I am−my own Trueness. I have become vividly aware of two facts concerning my own Desire & Intent. One is that once committed to it, as I am, there’s no getting out of it, only getting into it. Two is the realization that it is not about soaring or running in the power of Desire & Intent, it’s about becoming a grounded being−a steady walk in my Trueness.

Do not underestimate the importance of Knowing Thyself, and sharing accordingly.

In this part of my journey−as I float in this second-half of life−it is a great blessing to share trust with someone both young and wise like Tara. Tara’s impact in this world is first deep, then wide. While I could write much to explain why I see what I do, I will instead tell a story of my experience with this extraordinary spirit.

On a gray winter day Tara and I met to simply catch-up over warm chicken pot-pie and a salad. In conversation that day I learned many things that unfolded into an understanding behind the beautiful flow of spirit I know as Tara. Little did I know the surprising gift she held for me.

Reflecting on a talk I gave where Tara was present, she asked, “Do you remember Allison?” As it was a group of about 25, I hated to admit that I didn’t remember anyone by that name. As my topic was Desire & Intent, my talk includes an exercise built around what I’ve learned to be a powerful question. It seems Allison was afraid to talk with me after the talk because she could not answer the question. Tara then told me about how Allison did later answer the question; and then Tara described to me the impact this was having on Allison, and the confidence-building changes she was seeing unfold for Allison.

You might think someone doing this work I do would be very conscious of such impact. I admit it, I am not as often as I must learn to be. So all the more surprising and wonderful was this gift from Tara that day. Tara’s impact in this world is clearly flowing through her unique knowledge of, and application of, love. That love is just part of who she is. Thank you Tara!

Only when I know both seed and system, self and community, can I embody the great commandment to love both neighbor and myself.
Parker J. Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

It has been said that a good storyteller knows many stories, but a great storyteller knows the audience.

It could also be said that people who are “fluent in story” understand different story spaces and can more easily navigate between story spaces. Whether you’re using stories to teach, lead, entertain, or sell, there are a variety of spaces to understand.

What exactly are story spaces?

To help explain, see if you recognize any of these people:

  • Sam is a friend of mine who connects well with people in small groups and one on one, but you’d never get him up on stage. Sam is a great communicator at campfires and watering holes.
  • Lucy is a business leader in my network who is radiant when talking to a group, but is flat and a bit distant in one on one situations. Lucy’s forte is the mountaintop setting.
  • And there’s someone I’ve met recently, Robert, who is still figuring out his professional story. He needs more cave time.

Learning Spaces are Story Spaces

Dr. David Thornburg, one of the first employees of the famed Xerox Palo Alto Research Center (PARC), shares a framework of four learning spaces in his paper, Campfires in Cyberspace. Thornburg’s model is often used in the field of education to describe ways that students learn in physical and digital worlds, and I believe that it’s equally useful here in the context of professional communication. These story spaces can exist in just about any physical venue – it’s the manner in which humans interact that creates these four story spaces:

Cave: Personal story space.
The stories we tell ourselves, when we’re introspective. This is the place to start. If you haven’t figured out your own story, its very difficult to move into the other spaces with any assurance. Confidence comes from investing the time and doing the work that leads to self-awareness.

While cave time involves a lot of personal reflection, it doesn’t have to be experienced entirely alone. Story coaches can help clients with exercises and questions that help them zero in on their personal story.  Books provide personal story frameworks to jump start and guide the process. In my experience, cave time isn’t the most glamorous part of story work that everyone gravitates to do. However, cave time offers excellent return on investment. I can’t tell you how many coaching clients and business owners have had breakthrough moments about who they are and where they need to be going after a little cave time.

Once they figure out their personal story, a transformation happens and the rest of the story spaces become easier to enter.


Watering Holes:
Many to many.
Serious stories may be happening in these casual spaces. If you’ve ever had a “meeting after the meeting,” at a bar, you probably recognize that watering holes are where much of the real business of life gets done! Coffee shops, informal meetings, and the proverbial office water cooler are where information is traded, alliances are made and broken, and learning occurs. Networking events, conferences, and one to one business meetings are where many of us spend our time and stories each day.

Campfires: One to many; The one rotates.
One minute you may be the teller, the next minute you may be the listener. Campfires are a little more formal than watering holes, because people don’t enter and exit the space as easily, and one person tends to hold the floor at a given moment. At moments, campfires are like mini-mountaintops, but constantly shifting.

Mountaintops: One to many.
This includes speeches, talks, and performances.  This is the story space that many people think of first when they think of storytelling, and the emphasis is on the “telling.” It’s generally one-way communication, with a big tent approach. Speaking to large crowds in public is also on many people’s list of fears.

So what’s your storyspace?

Do you tend to equate story communication with one of these story spaces in particular?
In which story space are you most confident?
How do you flex your style to each space?
Is there a story space that you want to pay more attention to in the coming year?

The better you understand how to navigate story spaces, the more effective a communicator you can be!

Andrew Nemiccolo is founder of Seven Story Learning and author of Aizuchi Playbook: Brand Your Business with Story.

Andrew gives keynote talks and workshops on stories for business and develops client success story programs.
For more resources, visit http://sevenstorylearning.com and connect on twitter or Facebook.

All photos from flicker creative commons licensed. Cave photo courtesy of SKI tripper, coffee photo courtesy of chichacha, campfire photo courtesy of Dawn Huczek, microphone photo courtesy of comedy_nose.

A Soul Dance with Love

What is the impact of your love?

This is the last in the series of 7 on A Soul Dance. As I bring you to A Soul Dance with Love, here is a review of the previous 6:

  • Impact ~ Your flow asks you to balance intention and attention.
  • Desire & Intent ~ You discover original rhythm in the tension of this balance.
  • A New Confidence ~ Soul moves to an arrangement specifically scored for your flow.
  • Voice ~ Being with the unfolding you consciously hear your core and truly learn to see.
  • Presence ~ In seeing you ground purpose in present service.
  • Focus ~ With poise your soul now dances with present significance for self and for others.

And now … Love.

In the development journey it is good to have a traveling partner. My friend (and spiritual brother) Dan is one such credible partner. Together we are testing and validating intention and attention as we do the work to which we are each called.

I am learning to more consciously apply love internally to open me to what’s next in my external application of my brand of love. Dan is learning to more consciously apply love externally to open himself to what’s next in his internal application of his brand of love.

The more aware we become of our brand of leadership love the more we see the alignment, the movement and order of things, that flows our love out into the world.

When you make a commitment, an alignment appears to provide a flow in which to keep the specific commitment. Together, Dan and I will discover new steps in our individual dance with soul. Native rhythm and learned choreography come together forming a unique brand of love for you, and … A Soul Dance.

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