His entry into the world was an early introduction to struggle as he was born with a respiratory condition lasting to the teen years. In his mid-teens, John struggled with a less than healthy self-view. In spite of the physical constraints, John remembers his childhood as happy. The mid-teen depression is a fading memory as he chooses to think on his seventeenth year – a magical time. He no longer fought self-disdain, he lived presently, and he loved his friends.
Separation
John had grand visions of his place in the world. College may be where the disconnect began. The confident seventeen year-old had to face family financial issues and what this meant to his college goals. College couldn’t end soon enough. Becoming less present, John began the energy draining habit of wishing portions of his life away.
A university degree turned into a job just as his dad had said it would. Over the next few years, work in the real world became more and more about goals that were not his own.
Experience
In his late twenties, John’s mid-teen depression found him. In the ten years post college, he was constantly searching for his place; a worthy work – a calling. At age 32, he made what would become a significant change, leaving the retail business he loved and the management he could no longer tolerate. In many ways, he began again.
Our experience never leaves us as it becomes part of our intuition; our super-intelligence.
Reconnection
As John began again in this significant change, he found the space and opportunity to once again possess his voice. He was consciously reinvested in the journey when, at age 42, he set a goal to be the seventeen year-old he still was at his core.
How freeing this was. In self-permission, John was now free to loosen the grip of the world’s shoulds and connect again to his unique ought. John could now continue his story of trust begun so many years before; a story of self-trust as the character finds a new confidence in who they really are.
Ohhh the shoulds and oughts. One spends a lifetime working through both.
Beautiful story, Jeff. I just finished reading “A Year By the Sea” and it reminded me that “finding yourself” doesn’t happen just to the young. It is a lifelong journey to connect with who we are, including who we deserve to be, not just who we thought we “should” be.
Jeff, great story. I find the connection between self trust and self love to be interesting. I find poeple trusting in their peers, co – workers, and managment, but with little or no trust in themselves to complete the mission for their own lives. Thus, they spend a lifetime (literally) living for others and seeking constant affirmation from others because of this lack of trust in themselves. We could label this confidence also, leading to a key in building a conficent leader or person.
Hi Jeff- I was moved and felt a connection to your story. I have increased my self-awareness of my many tolerances in life and now realize that I need to trust myself more to speak out on my own behalf.
Dee Dee, All the best as you trust ‘you’ – someone very worthy of that trust! Good to hear from you.
My mentor, Dick Olney, insisted that self acceptance is more a training than a steady state for we are always experiencing ourselves anew IF we are awake. This story reminds me to continue to root out thresholds and oughts that shackle me to old ideas rather than aligning with the currrent of who I am experiencing myself to be right now.
What a story. It is such a great reminder to keep tabs on our own motivations and actions and to stay true to ourselves, or to even spend the time figuring out what is important to us, what our expression in this world is meant to look like. Letting go of the should’s is good. Thanks, Jeff.