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Rob,

About your love, my brief response was, “It’s not the words, it’s the action.”

This is the Rob so many know; a man who acts on what he believes and knows in his core. I have the privilege of being your Coach and of knowing you long before the coaching relationship. This is the last of my letters to select clients for 2011; a series corresponding to each of the seven chapters of my book. Chapter seven is Love. While some have praised me for writing about love in leadership, I write this to thank you for living it in how you lead, influence, and serve.

I heard a story about two old farmers, Joe and his neighbor. Both had lost their wives and only had each other to talk to so far out in the countryside. One day a dispute over a calf broke the relationship. They did not speak for months. Old Joe hired a carpenter to build a high fence so he would not have to look across the creek at his neighbor. Old Joe came back from town the day the fence was to be built, cleared the last hill, and saw no fence. Instead, the carpenter had built a bridge. Before old Joe could give the carpenter the what for, the neighbor crossed the bridge, embraced old Joe, and asked for his forgiveness in the argument over the calf, stating that Joe was the bigger man for providing the bridge.

Rob, you are the carpenter. We need men of courage in this 21st Century. You are a man of practical faith; the source of your down-to-earth consistency in all matters.

About Your Love
You care about, and for, people one-by-one. You take time to encourage. When you are in someone’s presence, you are present with them.

About Your Storytelling
You weave a good story. You tell for a purpose. You tell for the love of the hearer.

Thank you again for being a courageous carpenter,
Jeff

Joe,

“Hello Joe, what do you do?” Your response, “I Build the Foundation for Collaboration and Success.”

At this point, your Brand connects individually when you demonstrate how you build this foundation: You create an environment of care and value by pushing others to go further than they thought possible.

You are extremely valuable in the industry because of your vast experience, depth/breadth of knowledge, and the ability to thin-slice this experience and knowledge for credible application. Early in our coaching relationship, our first attempt at a personal brand produced an accurate, but not very meaningful, answer to What do you do. The best answer I could get you focused on was, “I keep the lights on.”

Yes, others depend on you at this basic level, but they Trust you for so much more. You have leveraged your own personal brand, combined it with the skill of Collective Facilitation, and become focused. In light of the wisdom of your Brand, I share with others here your 7 Steps for being presently strategic about the future:

  1. Consider the strategic timing of needed dialogue
  2. Consider direction for the issue in the light of the team and associated process
  3. Put time and attention into how you lead others in preparing a plan for dialogue
  4. Invite the right people into the focused discussions as you collectively build the plan
  5. Lead the team to focus on solving the issue at hand
  6. Assign follow-up actions to responsible parties
  7. Learn together from tracking and reporting activities; and make change as needed

My hope is that others, like you, will believe in their ability to collectively facilitate the future, the collective story, in our work today.

Thank you for the privilege of working with you,
Jeff

Another Real Story

On my book blog, WadingtheStream.com, I am gathering Awareness Stories. The stories are very interesting. I am interviewing these individuals after a rough 2-3 years. I was reminded just how rough by this post on my Facebook wall:

…unemployed because in part (or mostly) due to following the leadership and coaching received from a leader whose “story” is posted here. Bitter, perhaps, but I was always aware there was a reality out there that I now find myself embroiled in…bottom line is the person that took my place when I was coached to try a new position is still employed at my former place of employment. I still look, apply, and hope that the phone rings every day.

Here was my response:
I am so glad to hear from you … of course I wish the reconnect was around much different circumstances. In the last 2 years, I’ve been very disappointed in how some have handled these challenging times (how some have behaved). You are in the grieving process, and I encourage you to allow this process to play out as part of the transition from what has ended to what will be a new beginning.

And−forgive my strong encouragement−please remember who you are as you actively discover what is next for you.

Your Personal Purpose/Brand is a core part of communicating who you are:
I Prepare & Guide Others to Fulfillment
(I coach the individual to focus on the  present challenge)

Your own present challenge is a tough one, no doubt. If a conversation might be of any assistance, please feel free to let me know and we will find a time to talk.

As you talk with prospective employers, be sure to tell the good story of how you do what you do (that Brand above). With the intention of assisting you in telling this story, I include your long brand that you and I composed:
I am a leader who is a committed teacher. Part of my teaching demeanor is sharing all feedback in a positive way leading to a better connection for the individual. Others trust me at my word – I honor the individual in how I keep my commitments. I give my time to support and serve others one by one.

All−and only−the best,

Jeff

Deanna,

When we began our work together, you said, “I want to do some homework on what makes me feisty.” You explained that you become feisty when you cannot find a connection between what is being asked of you and your own understanding of purpose. What you and I learned together was how powerful your value of Purpose/Meaning was to your very presence.

You feel less of the collaboration you value when the disconnect between action and purpose distracts you from being in the moment; and thus, you become feisty. It was a thrill to work with you and see feisty simply become confidence. You confidently challenge others to look at things differently when you are in the moment with the business model of your brand of leadership. That model is Creative Purpose to Collaborative Challenge to Conscious Connection.

Your leadership business model is the power of your presence. It is how you give your gift in this world; creative purpose through challenge. Confidently being you, standing on a foundation of unique values, is a 21st Century style of giving.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your growth and development as a leader as you give through the flow of Purpose to Challenge to Connection. Continue to leverage that feistiness, and keep on being you.

Jeff

Garrett,

Your 2010 focus was, “Be consistently aware of what I desire to do.” I believe it was this focus that got it all started; the energetic interaction in which you engaged with key nodes in your network.

You and I talked about shopping your value in the market. However, if I accurately remember, I encouraged you to first understand value in the language of those who had been served by that value.  Servant leadership is only achieved by a serving spirit. You are a serving spirit. Your personal brand is in how you provide caring, coaching, and confidence in each interaction. At the base of this brand is your Voice: Caring.

You took the challenge and networked for value with those key nodes. You entered these conversations in a manner that would support your living desire for yourself and others:

  1. Increase confidence in what you bring to the table as a leader
  2. Consistently act on  your mission of helping others get to a place they could not get to on their own
  3. Prepare for career events and opportunities as they are presented to you

After these conversations, you said to me, “This direct stuff has validity.” The stories you shared from these networking for value appointments illustrate the following: The power of purpose (brand); The power of commitment; The power of presence. You increased your confidence in what you do as a leader. You reinforced your commitment as a servant. You now flow through each moment more aware of the opportunities offered to you.

On behalf of all who are benefactors of your brand of leadership, I say, “Thank you for confidently being you.”

Jeff

Ric,

Serendipitous? Frankly I do not believe it was completely by chance that I came to my Saturday morning writing place – to write this to you – and found myself in a conversation with Jacob.

Jacob is a young man who works at this coffee shop and continually pays value to me and my work with his interest and very presence. Today he talked about how he has expanded his connecting efforts from groups to a one-on-one genre. Hence my relationship with him. Jacob is living and modeling A New Confidence.

It was funny how neither Jacob or I said good morning, he just jumped right into conversation. Immediately, I was smiling as I felt the correlation of Jacob’s words and my writing objective for the day. That objective includes my appreciation for who you are – the power of your presence. It is also about being certain you know how much I value the trusting friendship that has grown in our connection.

“The most successful messages are a story. Understanding the why makes the how so much more tolerable.” This is something you wrote in your guest post on Messaging. Purpose provides direction. You have committed to getting to your why; your purpose. To be engaged at this level is to live A New Confidence (the lizard brain is roadkill).

Squashing the lizard brain moves you beyond the ‘tell’ where you are personalizing a larger story by personally and courageously telling your own story. Your power (your art) flows to others because you care about them – their creative freedom.

Thank you for shipping,
Jeff

 

It’s hard to get anyone to truly hear your story until it’s personal.  We have to make the story personal.

For the story to have impact, it has to be personal.  Personal stories are the best stories for transferring ideas from one person to another.

Listening to someone else’s personal story only gets me so far.  The rest of the distance is covered by me.  I have to make the story MY story.  That is what it means to make the story personal.

If you write on the first few pages of the notebook and hand me a largely empty notebook, I will read what you wrote.  If it is honest and true, I will “get” your story.  Then, I will write my story next to yours.

I will fill up the notebook.

I will fill up two more.

Then I will pass the notebook along to somebody else.  If I have been honest and true, they will “get” our story.  Then, they will write their story.  Right next to ours.

This is the process of transferring  ideas from one person to another.

This is the process of making each person a part of the story.

However, in order for me to pass the notebook along to the next person, you had to pass it along to me. You had to relinquish control of the notebook and maybe even the pen.  You had to entrust it into my hands.  You had to hope that what you set down as the start of the story gave me enough to write my part of the story in a way that aligned with your original vision.

Most importantly, you had to give your vision over to me.

It’s not yours any more.  That has to be OK.

You have to trust your writing.

You have to trust my writing.

You have to trust the next person’s writing.

That is how you make the story personal.

If you aren’t ready to do that, then don’t pretend you are.  And don’t expect anyone else to be.

Ricardo González is an IT manager for a Fortune 100  company who strives to inspire freedom to innovate, teach the value of personal leadership, and influence others to exceed their limits.

I am privileged to call him Friend.

Read more from Ric at woowooleadership.com

“If you want to impress me, go get something done with a group of volunteers who have no reason to follow you at all.” –Seth Godin

It’s one thing to “lead” others when the company you all work for anoints you as the leader and manager.  That kind of leadership is easy to do. You can do it on auto-pilot.  I know; years ago I did it.  There was a period, many years ago, in my professional life when I was just going through the motions.  I had become so cynical and so de-motivated that I just showed up to work and “led” my team by rote.   I was like a ghost of the leader and manager that I could have been.  I was paid to carry out tasks x, y, and z; my team was paid to carry out tasks a, b, and c; and we were all paid to pretend that I was in charge.  We all carried out our tasks.

The prior year, I had fought hard and worked harder to bring everything I had to the workplace.  I strove to be innovative.  I strove to connect with my team.  I strove to be involved and understand the business of my team.  I was rewarded at the end of that year with an average review, an average salary increase, and absolutely no mention of the fact that I had done more to develop the business of my team than my direct manager.  Somehow, though, they got the credit.

That’s when I gave up. I vowed that I would do nothing but the minimum requirement for my job from that point forward.  I dotted every “i” and every “t” that my manager asked me to. I jumped through all the hoops they wanted me to jump through.  I was a good little boy, sat at my desk, raised my hand, and did all the assignments precisely as requested.  I did no more and no less.

The next year, I got an exceptional review, an above-average compensation increase, and lots of thanks for a job well done and for responding to feedback.

Something inside me snapped. That’s when I realized that I had wasted a year in the professional lives of the people on my team.  I was ashamed. I had done them a disservice.  I punished them, nobody else.  The company wanted a cog, I played along, and I had started to turn my team into a team of little, corporate cogs.  I vowed at that point to never do that to anyone again.

So, yes, leading others when you’ve been organizationally anointed to lead them is easy.

What’s hard is true, spiritual leadership.  I’m talking about the kind of leadership that comes from your soul.  It’s the kind of leadership that focuses on the spiritual work that each individual is longing to undertake that is hidden behind the guise of the tasks they have to get done. Manage the tasks; lead the people.

This is the first step to impressing Seth Godin.  It’s also the first step in collective facilitation.

Anyone can follow the rules for effective meetings.  Anyone can learn essential facilitation skills.  Anyone can take notes, assign tasks, follow up with the people assigned to those tasks, track progress in a project plan…  There are so-called “boot camps” to teach project management skills. There are classes to teach organizational skills.  There are even apps you can get for your PC, smartphone, and tablet that can aid in the management of your task lists. There are plenty of tools at your disposal.

That’s all easy.

The hard part is the connecting part.  You know when a meeting has no soul, when the person attempting to lead is going through the motions.  If everyone is paid to get work done…let’s face it, work will get done.  So, to open yourself up to spiritual leadership and the connecting art of collective facilitation, lead a group of volunteers on a difficult, challenging journey.  Forget the Fortune 100 company; you know how to dance their pre-choreographed dance.  That will hold for now.  Instead, identify a void, find out where the volunteers congregate, and try to move them to action.  THAT is a challenge.

I know; I’ve done it.

You’ll have no choice but to be yourself.  You’ll have no choice but to be sincere.  You’ll have no choice but to be genuine in your approach.  You’ll have no choice but to listen.  You’ll have no choice but to inspire.  You’ll have no choice but to innovate.  You’ll have no choice but to influence. What worked for you at your place of employment might not work for you in this space. Chances are, you’ll be faced with far greater hurdles than you’ve ever faced before. More challenges.  More roadblocks.  More resistance.  More failure.

And do you know what? Chances are you won’t even notice, as long as your spirit is engaged.

That, my friends, is the essence of collective facilitation.

Ricardo González is an IT manager for a Fortune 100 company who strives to inspire freedom to innovate, teach the value of personal leadership, and influence others to exceed their limits.

I am privileged to call him Friend.

Read more from Ric at woowooleadership.com

Being generous is easy. It doesn’t take much skill to be generous.  You do something nice for a sibling.  Done. You give a co-worker a quarter at the vending machine.  Done. You buy a friend lunch.  Done.  You give a parent a lavish birthday gift.  Done, done, and done.

The power in giving comes when we begin to practice it without attachment.  Try giving to others with no thought of return.  Try giving to others with no thought of the benefit to yourself.  Try giving to someone who has wronged you.  Try giving to someone who you dislike.  Try giving to someone who doesn’t look like they need anything. Try giving to that person who never says “thank you,” who never looks grateful.

This is giving without attachment.  This is true generosity.  Practicing it is a skill, and it takes a whole lot of work.

Ironically, the most genuine, authentic forms of giving require the greatest level of detachment. When we are emotionally invested in a pre-conceived outcome, then our act of giving is more about our own feelings and desires than it is about the benefits to the other person.  If you can  remove emotional attachment to the outcome, then the outcome actually changes.  The outcome is no longer the observable reaction of the individual but the actual impact of the gift given.

When we give freely and without attachment, the recipient of our gifts can fully embrace that which was given.  They do not have to fear reciprocation.  They do not have to worry about whether or not the gesture requires a response. They do not have to worry about whether or not accepting the gift creates obligation.  Instead, they can focus on the gift and the impact the gift will have in their life.

The real gift is not that which is given, though, as much as it is the fact that something was given.  The impact, then, becomes the goodwill and spiritual energy that passes between two individuals.  The flow of generosity from one to another strengthens the bond between them.  It is mother’s milk to a potential new friendship. It is sustenance for a strong relationship.

Learning to give in this way elevates giving from an act to an art.

To develop the skills that allow us to practice our art, we need repetition.  Learning to paint is no different than learning to give.  Both require us to leverage repetition to help us hone our skill.  It is important to practice giving, to do it over and over again, in order to become truly proficient at it.  Anyone can elevate giving to the level of art.  If you strive to have impact on the world, become skilled in the art of giving.

Ricardo González is an IT manager for a Fortune 100 company who strives to inspire freedom to innovate, teach the value of personal leadership, and influence others to exceed their limits.

I am privileged to call him Friend.

Read more from Ric at woowooleadership.com

For more on this 21st Century Leadership Skill … Skill 5

If I have an Achilles Heel, it’s the fine art of networking. I’ve never been very good at it.  It plays to my deepest insecurity: rejection.

You can give me a topic, 10 minutes of prep, an audience of 100 people, and I’ll be fine.  I read once that Henry Fonda used to vomit before going on stage even after decades as an established master of his craft.  Even if he didn’t literally vomit, the point is made: the act still got to him. It gets to me, too, and I have had to obscure a hand or knee that won’t stop shaking. Still, I can do it and do it fairly well.

Me, an idea, a stage, and 200 people. Would you believe that I can pull it off because of the anonymity of it?  It’s true. When it’s you against 200, you can get lost in the crowd. If somebody looks disinterested, look at somebody who doesn’t. Find enough of them, and you can fool yourself into thinking you’re in a coliseum filled with raving fans. When you look at it that way, rejection doesn’t matter.  You just ignore it and focus on the ones who “get” you.

Now, if you put me in a room with 200 people, tell me the topic a month in advance, and give me access to all the research I need…BUT you  also take away the stage and take away the authority that is inherent in being the one holding the microphone, then you’ll get a totally different result. You’ll probably get a totally different me. You’ll get the me that has to face rejection 200 times. You’ll get the me that will anticipate rejection 200 times.  Oddly, I don’t have the past experiences to justify such an outlook. I can’t recall ever being rejected 200 times in one evening. That doesn’t change the fact that being thrust into this kind of one-on-one situations will almost always kick off the tape that plays in my subconscious that drives me to believe that I will, once again, be rejected.

And yet, just a few days ago, someone I haven’t seen in 8 or 9 years, sent me a note just for the heck of it. We’ve kept in contact over the years, and, about every 6 months or so, something clicks in the Universe that causes one of us to reach out to the other. It’s almost like clockwork. It’s effortless. It’s genuine.

It’s networking.

Building a network is probably the single-most important thing any worker in the 21st Century can do. Throw out the idea of the cocktail party schmoozer. Throw out the idea of the business-card-pushing conference enthusiast who can only waste precisely 240 seconds of their time on you because somebody much more important than you just walked in the door.  That is not the network-building that I’m talking about. The networks we need today are the ones based in mutual respect. They are built on the common understanding that comes from a genuine meeting of the minds. They are fueled by generosity and kindness. They are reciprocal because of a desire to help the other, not out of obligation. They are connections that allow gifts to be exchanged, not favors tallied up.

You can’t build a network, though, on casual Facebook shout-outs alone. The strength of the connections you make is increased with the frequency and intensity of interaction. Your network (and you do already have one) has layers, and each layer serves a purpose in your life. There’s no set description or hierarchy for the layers of your network. I mean, I am sure somebody somewhere has written a book or published a whitepaper, but, in the end, the definition of each layer, the hierarchy among them, and the purpose of each is something we determine individually. The act of determining these things is just that: an act.  It is something that you must consciously do. If you don’t, circumstance will make the choices for you, and you might not always be happy with the result.

Your network is too important to your happiness and fulfillment as a human being to be left to chance and to your “unconsciousness.” There’s a name for that unconscious being: Tolle calls it “Pain Body;” Godin calls it “Lizard Brain;” Pressfield calls it “Resistance.” Call it what you like. The fact of that matter is that the unconscious entity that lives inside of you is the same one that keeps playing that rejection tape for me. You know, the one that makes me relive some ancient rejection that takes everything in me to forget. It’s doubt and fear and loathing and embarrassment and 1000 other acts of self-sabotage all wrapped up into a sinister package that gnaws at the base of your brain all day long.  And that thing isn’t going to take care of your network. Only you can.

So be deliberate. Determine the hierarchies for yourself. Describe them in your own words.  Consciously place the people you already know into each. Figure out what is important to you and how you want each person to fit into your life. Forget how they do today. Chances are that you are giving far too much power to some people and neglecting a bunch of other people to whom you would much rather dedicate your time and energy. Fix your network.

Only after your network is fixed can you go be the linchpin, the Great Connector, that you are meant to be. Once you fix your network, you can serve it and its members better.  Once you fix your network, you will realize that yours is just a small part of a much bigger, much more powerful network and that we are all servants of the same human collective.

Ricardo González is an IT manager for a Fortune 100 company who strives to inspire freedom to innovate, teach the value of personal leadership, and influence others to exceed their limits.

I am privileged to call him Friend.

Read more from Ric at woowooleadership.com

For more on this 21st Century Leadership Skill … Skill 4

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