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The Mystery of Being

I wanted to tell you how much your words meant to me that day.” He said this to me 15 years after that tragic day.

It was early morning and I was slowly putting on my Sunday-best pants and shoes when the phone rang. I answered and heard Don’s solemn, low voice inform me his dad had been killed in an accident. He ended the call by saying, “I just thought you would want to know.”

I found my teenage-self standing in the den looking at my mom. Upon telling her of the call she burst into tears and said, “Go to him, now! He needs you!” I grabbed my keys and took off.

I arrived at his house and rang the doorbell. Don answered the door, saw me, and fell into my arms. I helped him up to his room, and there we sat together for what I remember being about 3 hours.

The point of this story is in Don’s words of gratitude 15 years later. He was grateful for my words that day, expressions he must have surely felt in his grieving spirit. But here’s the thing, in those 3 hours, when Don talked of his dad and recounted stories, I never said a word; not one word.

I did what I did–nothing–precisely guided by the wisdom of my mother when she said, He needs you!” I did the only thing I know to do from deep within, to be with my friend.

Grounding

In a society of doers, being (and being with) is a mystery. The mystery is only in part explained by our need to separate being from doing.

The mystery of being itself is darkened when we refuse to hold the creative tension that is being and doing. If you can come to understand that we are made from love, and of love, you begin to stand more firmly on the ground of being. It is about standing firm, holding and releasing being into the present without condition. It takes the full flow of feel, hear, and see, to grasp love as source and energy.

This mysterious flow is even more elusive when our story is vulgarized by the forced belief of doing as all-important, a higher point of priority over being. With that said, it takes our early experience with doing to prepare us for the mystery that is the paradoxical tension of being/doing.

Being Begets Being

There was a point in my daughter’s early years where I must have shared this story about Don, his father’s death, and our time that day. One afternoon she came home and shared about the sudden death in the night of her good friend’s brother. Her friend’s house was just down the street. Immediately her mother and I simply said, Go.

When she returned, after about 3 hours, she said to me, “Dad, I did exactly what you told me.” Having no idea what she was talking about, I asked for clarity. She replied, “You know, Don’s story and what you did the day his dad died.” As you might imagine, my heart warmed in profound satisfaction knowing she had trusted being with her friend.

In my upcoming book, The Rhythm of Trueness, I write about the poetic journey of the leader within each of us. The leader inside is about who we are in truth, a reality since the beginning. Trueness is our energy in the respectful space of creative tension, where being and doing find flow, and together, conscious resonance.

The poetic verse of your being flows in the reality of presence as you consciously open to the moments unfolding. No doubt such presence requires trust. How slow the process, it seems, as I look back. What I’m actually seeing is my regretful reality of not learning to trust sooner. The trusting includes loosening one’s grip on certain ways of thinking and stepping into a flow of no need to control.

Where presence and voice blend, there is Trueness.

This beautiful merger of presence and voice opens you to a way of being and doing; with the reality of what is unfolding before you and around you.

Grounded in Respect

As a child, respectful
with you I can be,
only as first, I
can be with me.

Love honors being.
From the chambers
of love,
voice moves you.

Love honors doing.
From the chambers
of love,
voice moves others.

Being, alone
may withhold resonance.
Released, respectful energy
in a world needy.

Doing, alone
cannot say enough.
However, an amplifier
for voice it can be.

To be unconsciously present
too much the norm,
walking through moments
too conscious of self.

The full flow
of voice it takes
to feel, hear, and see
grasping love
as source and energy.

In the beginning
nothing it cost
to just be.
Trust was easy
from a center
clear and free.

In the moments, loving tension
at our disposal, always.

Being, resting in respectful trust.
Doing, lovingly grounded in trustful respect.

–J. Brunson

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The Mystery of Tension

The origin of the word tension is about stretching. Like other words in our language, we’ve forgotten original source and attributed only a positive or only a negative connotation. We are so often the sole point of supply to the negative scripts that haunt our doing and suspend our being, the ability to be present.

As part of ongoing introspection, I have questioned a few things. One of those was the energy behind, and within, my writing. When you’ve been doing something within a proven, stable process for a long time, it is a tense space to open to such questioning.

In this introspection, this standing in the flow of Trueness, I continue to connect more deeply with who I am, what I do, why I do it. It seems my writing to leaders has become much more about writing to the leader within each of us. Such a shift has had its impact on what I’m saying, doing, and who I’m being with the individuals I work with as a coach.

Being the person we are means enjoying the gift of our own creation before and beyond all desire, all expectations, all demands.

–John Main, The Way of Unknowing

Your voice embodies wholeness from an original source. As my friend Joy says about things like voice, “It’s the energy that picked me.” Voice is proof of your being. It is an energy that stretches you. Your voice is worthy of trust. In fact, not trusting voice is certain suppression of your resonance and power in this world. This variety of tension is something you definitely do not want.

We do have power in this world; not a power over another, but power to be there for the other, for her/his true being. While possible to encourage another without the new confidence of loving one’s self, such encouragement can only scrape the surface for another’s confidence, their way of being in this world. This only leads to misguided expectations that corrode relationship.

Tension is a mystery because we think it is something from which we need to be free, something we must dissolve, or avoid at all costs. Instead, we must first grasp tension as the healthful stretch intended, and then consciously step into the middle full of creative tautness and secure joy.

What is it that has taken me to this place to consider and remember this thing? It is a commitment to be present with what is, and to more consistently honor my voice in each interaction. Love is my voice, and the strength of my voice is encouragement. So, for one thing, I am being much more vocal and courageous about sharing this, and doing so with and for each person.

Your voice has been there in you since the beginning. Hold its tension gracefully and release unique resonance into a world desperate for the confluence of our stories, and our ability to be present with one another.

Everyday Dignity

Each wonderful, we are,
an engaging story,
for need in the world,
to be told.

In the ordinary, is power,
constant opportunity,
To Feel before and beyond
any limiting expectation.
To Hear our own resonant
capacity to be present.
To See the mysterious ease
of everyday things.

The abundance of mystery,
expectation interrupts.
No longer by narrowness be,
misguided by and into judgment.

Permission, allow me to give,
relieving you of the stress,
attempting to create
what you already hold.

A voice from the beginning, free,
resonant strength limitless,
authentically equipped to speak,
gracefully, in the transient flow.

In the space of everyday,
a story to be told,
you are, I am.

–J. Brunson

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In our first coaching session, he stated, “I’m not sure I’m passionate anymore.”

Unhelpful guidance, profusely proffered without permission, contains anything but meaning. So difficult it can be to let go of expectations, not letting go of any optimism for good, but the false assumptions we find clinging to us like soot from a toxic fire.

I suppose finding and knowing meaning depends on where one looks for it. Even more debilitating is if one no longer believes meaning is possible. It is a major shift when you finally grasp that meaning is created within the flow of it all, abundance available in the movement of internal to external and your Trueness active in the world.

The mystery is, in part, found in our own journey.

Less important is seeking any specific explanation of mystery and more important is opening to what is; experiencing the present so as to receive the meaning already there for you (the true you.)

In the first part of life experience, meaning comes to us through others. Fortunate I was to learn about deep friendship and unconditional love early on by knowing my grandmother as my closest friend. The simplicity of being in her presence, and her presence with me, schooled me in what I would need to know in the subsequent acts of life & living, opening me to mystery and my own journey with meaning.

With mystery and meaning it’s less about understanding and more about accepting what is already true within you. Trueness asks you to live and work in alignment with the source of who you are. At such source is a new confidence, a way of being in your unique brand of love, creating unconditional presence held firmly by flowing voice.

I am privileged to work with individuals who want to lead from such love, being, and presence. Letting go into desire’s drive and intent’s draw, I get to see these individuals open to the middle of meaning; a resonance unique to who they are.

The release, and resonance, of voice may flow through passion, presence, or purpose, but remember that your voice is gifted within and from your Trueness.

Meaning is the inhale/exhale of Trueness. Meaning is right in the middle of a living, breathing paradox. We find in the making of who we are that it takes experiences of all sorts; an unfolding of all things, working together, basically schooling us in the reality of everything belongs.

Mystic Memory

It was August, mile four,
one of my long walks.
Quiet, peaceful, simple,
thoughts fired into memories.

Feeling, from all those years ago,
the shade of grandparent trees,
porch time with Sallie and Henry.

The memories thick as fireflies
on such a Mississippi evening.

The red and white kitchen table,
the window behind the bench at that table.

The cupcakes,
oh my, the cupcakes!

I was safe, then,
so safe.

Still, there’s safety in the present,
but no one else must hold the pearl.

Yes, that was a tender time,
open and wide.

I was safe, because?
Because of love,
because of love, unconditional.

In such safety,
unconditionally,
every little thing
had meaning.

The source of meaning was from without,
graciously held by those showing me
the pearl of great price,
the Trueness within.

And from within,
now meaning flows.
Then, every little thing had meaning.
Now, up to me it is
to know meaning in
everything belongs.

–J. Brunson

Version 2

 

I tell stories about the year 1996. It was a year focused on becoming the best listener I could be. Spending the year learning to listen led me to a deeper experience in what it meant for me to be a leader. Further, in the process of study and learning application, I was molded into a coach whose only desire is to encourage individual Trueness.

Now, I will remember the year 2016 as one for critical transformation, opening me ever deeper to my own Trueness. Meaning comes from Trueness, the true self since the beginning. As Ric Gonzalez and I have discussed in our podcast work, it doesn’t matter which comes first, passion, presence, or purpose. We’ve found individuals getting to meaning as each stands with her/his own point of origin−a voice of passion, a voice of presence, or a voice of purpose.

In our first formal session together, Sean asked me how he would know when he had made the transition from what he values into beliefs that translate into conscious behavior, to that space where he would be doing what it is he does while being his true self. The vessels in my brain almost popped with excitement. I wanted to lay out all at once everything he and I would do over the next few months, but that would’ve definitely been too much for him to process in that moment and in the mysterious space he opened with his wonderful question.

My answer, for the time being, was that he would know he was in the mysterious movement of such transition (really transformation) when he found himself being present with each interaction and each experience. Sean and I talked about flow, in the sense of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s work, as presented in his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. In the last paragraph of this book, Mihaly states, “Just as we have learned to separate ourselves from each other and from the environment, we now need to learn how to reunite ourselves with other entities around us without losing our hard-won individuality.”

Unfortunately in modernity we have come to see mystery as something to be solved. In our effort to not know mystery, to be uncomfortable with what we don’t understand, we move quickly into fixing mode. In the process we have become very judgmental. Judgment is a barrier to any positive, collective outcome. The need to fix, judge, or control comes from fear. Fear becomes a shared emotion only because we allow it inside ourselves as individuals.

Letting go of judgment is part of opening to mystery. We contradict mystery when we allow expectations to control us, and attempt to control with expectations. It is an absurd cycle.

“We cannot be present to anyone or anything in judgment.”
–David G. Benner, Presence and Encounter

I cannot wait to show Sean his voice. Voice is a gift of being. Your voice knows its stand right in between your desire and your intent. When standing there, voice in full flow, letting go is simply part of your art!

Whatever opens you to Trueness − passion, presence, purpose − stand there, confidently. If anything in life & living can be trusted, must be trusted, it is your Trueness. Stand in the middle of your own Desire & Intent with voice in service, gathering, giving, and growing in the mystery of letting go.

Silent Freedom

Mystery
not the agent of fear,
of what we are afraid.

The absurdity of it all,
our angst, our anxiety,
fixed in a demand to control.

Whatever is missing
has been dismissed
in the waste of fear.

And mysterious still
how one might believe,
ever was there
any chance of control.

What then was dismissed
from fear, without thought?

Was it loss?
Was it love?

Providence not trusted,
in the flow of it all, it all
moves with us, or without us,
but so wants the divineness
of our presence.

In a loud world,
a distracting swirl,
silence is a mystery.

But silence we need,
for more than a bit, to hold,
and without judgment, release.

Letting go,
how can this be,
possibly be,
the way to steer,
a source to guide?

Simple it is,
to be led out there
one has to be guided
in here.

And the source,
the guide,
from your beginning,
is away from the fray.

In the silence,
in the depths
of The Presence,
is the middle
of your being.

Here, in the middle
of who you are,
since the start,
is inclusive freedom.

–J. Brunson

The Moment - by Anna Sabino

Presence – by Anna Sabino

When an individual is acting from Trueness, the path to impact is negotiated with the loving and mysterious movement of providence.

In too many organizations, of any kind, it doesn’t take long to observe behaviors of unhealthy competition, selfishness, and downright nastiness. We cannot focus properly on any larger, collective mission when such energy is being wasted internally. It is the same for us as individuals. We cannot develop externally what we are not developing internally.

Trueness honors the uniqueness of each individual as the power to make the collective whole.

I endured all 35 hours of the teams training that the organization purchased. I emerged from the mandatory course stating that it would never work. I did not like being a negative critic. I was still young enough however to be a bit proud when a few months later the whole process was abandoned.

A few years later, interest arose for my process for building a team. When speaking of the method, I made one thing immediately clear, the individuals on my team never heard me use the words team or teamwork. My method approached teamwork as an outcome and team as a title identifying a collective of committed individuals.

When knowing your Trueness, and doing work from the energy of your true self, you will have an impact on others. Your work will have meaning, for you and the other.

I am still learning to feel, hear, and see my own impact in this world. I only know such impact as I first feel in my own Trueness the voice that pushes me out into the world. In the continual flow of giving what the world needs from me, I have to let go of all in the way of listening. From another’s Trueness I then hear appreciation for our shared presence. From what is given back to me I can then begin to see what impact looks like in the reality of the other.

The mystery comes into play as I let go of control and expectation – a seemingly impossible task, but a necessity to knowing impact.

Trust the Mystery

The mystery of impact,
a paradox hard to hold,
being who I am
doing what I do,
to what end?

The answer held truly
by the one, herself
by the one, himself
read aloud in their own lives.

In the theater of my life,
I stand somewhere between
the second and final acts,
scenes replaying and lovingly teaching.

Youth now walks behind me,
but deserted me it has not.
Its diligence dutiful and due,
its design served adequately.

From the words of life & living,
a manuscript evolving,
my impact unfolding in the chapters,
written by others
finally by me being read.

And read I do
often and openly.
no longer hiding,
impact embracing,
the mystery holding,
the mystery holding me.

­– J. Brunson

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Shared Love

See the Impact

The more aware you become of your brand of love the more you see the alignment, the movement and order of things, that flows your love out into the world. The shared love of my friend Ric is the reason I now have a treasured relationship with Jen.

Jen’s desire, through the life of her work, is that others realize their potential. The intent drawing her forward is that those influenced by her work find the creative tension of comfort and challenge, as they live more consciously.

If I were employed once again in an organization, I would want Jen to be in charge of the learning experiences designed to make me more fulfilled and impactful from the core of my authenticity, ever evolving from my strengths.

Jen’s Change, and Influence

Like many others right now, Jen is between gigs, not currently employed in a typical job in an organization. Recently, she found herself empathetically identifying with the questions of a friend: “Who am I, really? Who do I want to be? I’m all these things to all these different people in my life, but I don’t know who I am for me.”

Several years ago, when in the Navy, she and friends were out for dinner. Jen’s fortune cookie strip said, “You are the warmth that illuminates those around you.” She said to me, “I’m not much of a luminary if I’m stumbling around in the dark.”

Her purpose type (see Imperative.com) is a Luminary, shining a light on others and what they need to see inside themselves. Jen is an instinctive connector; people to people. She is passionate about opening the other person’s vision toward impact of individual purpose, and being the provider of resources supportive of individual impact.

She may be in transition (between professional jobs), but she is not in-between; the way in which the world often thinks of it, in neutral, not in gear, not moving. The change upon Jen is really not so much change, per se. It is much more accurate to say that she is now, in what feels like transition, becoming more free in being who she really is.

The Rapids of Influence

Jen is asking herself “What does it look like to put more energy into being with my purpose?” Answering this question is at the heart of what it means to be a leader in this 21st Century. Taking the time for herself, to step back and look at her Trueness, Jen has become more conscious of what she values most, what she most wants from her life and work. Everything she needs in order to gain what is most desired and intended is already right there inside. Trusting her own Desire & Intent, she can now more freely experience the pulse of Feel, Hear, and See.

Feel the Rhythm. You get a feel of your own rhythm as you open to the gratitude that wells in your core. To forgive your own assumptions, about self and others, requires courage and frees the flow of your voice.

Hear the Middle Melody. To stand in the middle with any clarity requires you to listen to the leader within. From this firm stand in Trueness, you hear the voice of self, singing over the rocks in the streambed of experience.

See the Impact. The more conscious you are of your own true rhythm the clearer you see, and your confidence crescendos with your brand of love that must be shared as you wade the confluence of Trueness, your true self and that of the other.

For Jen to feel is the inner part of her work of being human, and to know her unique interest to energy connection. To see is to embrace the impact of her work in the world, and to know further opportunity. And right in the middle of feel and see, she will hear what really is, brightly aware of the impact of her own rhythm.

Finally committing to the rhythm of your Trueness, you can now grasp the truth of your love. Our individual, unique brand of love has been given to us to share. What may feel like change and transition to Jen is more likely her own Trueness finding its place in our needy world, and in her Trueness finding the ways to share her love.

A Leadership Poem: Here’s the Thing

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Rhythm

See the Impact

I have always required a fair amount of alone time. As a child I spent hours with modeling clay as a playmate. I molded short stories and full movie scripts with the consequent figures. In my teen years, in the midst of much activity with a base of life-long friends to be, I often turned down the offer of an outing to continue working on some scale model, or other project–alone.

My first memory of feeling lonely was some time during my last two years at the university. In those days, because the university had a sprawling campus outside a small town, activity was often sparse on the weekend.

It was one of the few weekends I stayed on campus. My home was 140 miles away and I was not long with money, cooking in my room quite often in an electric skillet with ingredients brought from home, and living the remainder on about five dollars a week. I walked the campus for what I remember being hours. I was alone and walking into loneliness.

In the Middle of Alone and Lonely

I found myself outside a small chapel. Suddenly present inside, I quietly stood in the middle experience of alone and lonely. Such experience was a space asking me to be with what is, all that has been, all that will be–it’s all now.

Nearing 21 years of age, graduating with a degree in accounting, an impending job search, and our wedding, it was a beautiful, settling moment, a present grounding. Forty years later, I find myself in that small chapel, metaphorically, quite often as I coach individuals and write for you.

Surveying the years since that moment in the small campus chapel, I see how providence moved me, through experience, toward my own voice. Early on, my voice of Love, and its strength of Encouragement, struggled to find focus. Eventually, my voice became my focus as I translated voice into a personal/professional purpose and brand.

“The voice emerges literally from the body as a representation of our inner world. It carries our experience from the past, our hopes and fears for the future, and the emotional resonance of the moment.”

–David Whyte, The Heart Aroused

I truly believe that the more narrow your focus, the broader your impact. Narrowing focus is a disciplined practice supportive of the developing ability to let go.

The Middle Stand of Trueness

Trueness is the impact of your presence; a presence grounded in voice applied. The impact of your methodology of focus is faithfulness to a cycle of energy that has been diligently built on your Trueness throughout your journey. If I did not know voice, I could not know rhythm.

In a chapel of awareness, Kelly has embraced her voice of Respect and Dignity and is applying her rhythm of impact. Upon seeing in writing, her voice, and its strength of A Clear Voice at the Table, her boss said, “The better you listen the better you are at executing your personal brand.”

As Kelly has learned, and is now practicing, to focus at her best she must listen. She came to me, and our work together, at a beautiful, providentially timed moment. She was aware of key perceptions about who she was in her work, and she didn’t like what she saw. As with any perception, it is the one being perceived who makes the choice to do something about changing any specific perception.

Kelly came to me in light of her courageous commitment to change the perception, “Give it to Kelly, she’ll get it done.” While that may have the mask of a compliment in our work society, it is a very narrow view, limiting Kelly’s ability to apply her Trueness as well as the ability of anyone to observe such authentic rhythm in action.

Kelly felt alone, and thus lonely. She didn’t know what to do beyond what constantly bubbling emotions were saying loud and clear. Now, when her voice of Respect and Dignity is in the lead, she will consciously listen in each situation. As she will continue to discover, the more she listens, the more her voice will have its place with influence, inclusion, and impact.

Being true to self is not possible standing to one side or the other. Trueness is found only in the middle stand.

A Leadership Poem: Quiet and Clear

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