How can trying so hard yield no appreciation?
In interpersonal issues, leaders sometimes try too hard. Trying too hard can get between the individual who is targeted for help and that individual’s intentions.
This occurs when the leader shifts to misdirected management – trying to manage the people involved versus the systems that are driving the inappropriate behavior. This shift is made easily by leaders who are hyper-sensitive to conflict.
The shift to managing the individual is really an effort to find immediate relief. In relation to an unhappy employee, I once heard a boss say, “I don’t care what you do, just make sure she doesn’t come back to my office again?” This is like treating the symptom and ignoring the disease. A good doctor would not do this – nor would a good leader.
If you can deal with the real issue – by managing systems and leading people – you honor the individuals true intentions. At least you preserve, or even create, the system that allows those intentions (behaviors) to flourish.
“It’s easy to get caught up in the foibles of a corporate culture and the systems that have been built over time, but they have nothing at all to do with the faith that built the system in the first place.”– Seth Godin in Tribes